I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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