you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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