I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
