I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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