So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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