Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
