I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
