She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize