The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
