No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize