he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i drank out of a bidet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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