its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
