If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
