a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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