look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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