my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
