I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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