dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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