My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
