if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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