If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
