remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
