Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize