Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
