i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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