you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
