your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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