the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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