Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
