I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
