When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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