I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
