Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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