this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
