Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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