So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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