i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
