Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
