Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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