So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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