Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
a search helicopter?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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