well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
