my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
