Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My cat gives me a boner
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
