so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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