if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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