We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
