It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
high people should be assigned attendants
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
