someone get that fucking seahorse.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do herpes really smell.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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