Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize