My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize