my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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