NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
