In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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