I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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