I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
