So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
