um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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