im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
