I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
