i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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