i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
