I wish I could punch you in the face.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
