The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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