I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
