Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
