I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
