Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
