Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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