i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
